Not Stupid
by deathbringer374
Summary: The right words coming from the right person can either make you or break you. Follow us, as Raven discovers the true weight of words and the ways of forgiveness and true empathy. How do you take back a harsh statement? How do you apologize for destroying someone's image of you? RXR! Cheers!
1. Chapter 1

AN: Allrighty, this little piece is made to help me with my writer's block! It takes place in a mixture universe, so to speak. In this story, I've mixed the teen titans comic background with a bit of the Young Justice universe and the Teen titans series. Essentially, the teen titans joined the young Justice league at some point.

In my story, both Miss Martian and Conner (Superboy) are still in the young justice, training the new recruits (the teen titans) before leaving for the league. Megan and Garfield share a relationship akin to what we see on the series, but his story comes from the comic books. (sakutia, his parents dying, him being used and tortured, the Doom Patrol aso….) Aside from that, I'm just trying to break my writer's block! Hope you guys find the story appealing, it's gonna be short, about three or four chapters. Cheers! I do not own Teen Titans, nor it's story, nor the picture!

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"I'm not stupid..."

The clattering of the dish when it fell to the floor alerted the team of his presence, but Beast Boy's hushed words registered more painfully than the breaking of all their china in a single heap. Megan's eyes widened, her lips trembling in despair as she watched her little brother look down on his feet and shed tears of cold bitterness.

Victor stood rooted to the spot, his ears and cybernetic brain still refused to acknowledge the words that had just come out of Raven's mouth. His aura was quickly shifting from confused to enraged, the same as Megan's as she neared the boy.

When the young heroine touched him, however, Raven felt all his hatred, all his self-doubt and guilt and despair turn into righteous anger. The simple touch of Megan's fingers grazing his own was more than enough to break his sadness. Before the girl he saw as a sister could console him, he threw a glare into Raven's direction.

Never before had Raven been so afraid or even intimidated of their green teammate.

His eyes were full of rage, green irises palpable with hurt. He looked insulted, deeply insulted. Those few milliseconds were long enough to make Raven feel like the worst human being in the entire world.

Before Miss Martian could pull him into a hug, Beast Boy flinched away from her touch and lost his composure. "I am NOT an _ANIMAL_!" The scream shook him, and for all their worth not one hero in the room could remember ever seeing him so angry, so, so… _offended. _

Before any more words could be said he turned his back on them all, giving Conner his cold shoulder and not letting Megan get close enough to hold him. He teleported from the base faster than any of them could react or stop him, and just as quickly as he had come, Garfield Logan left.

The silence in their common room was deafening, the stress could be cut through with a knife and the tension seemed electric. Conner's eyes were directed at the floor, his uncertainty towards the situation was obvious, just as obvious as his empathy towards the shape-shifter. Better than anyone, he knew what it was like, being reminded every waking moment of what you were, and what you were not. He was the first to break the silence.

"I'm gonna go talk to him." He quickly moved to the teleport machine and was on his way. Tim frowned quite deeply into his mask, ad gave Raven a lasting glare. Given his own actions towards the boy, he could and would not look down on Raven from a higher moral ground, but her words had been too much. Without a word, their leader took a couple of steps back and left, following Superboy's direction and wanting to do nothing but offer some form of comfort to their friend.

Megan's response was not unexpected. Still rooted to the spot, Raven barely saw the martian move until she stood facing the empath. She could have easily evaded the hand that came in contact with her face; she saw the other woman extend her right arm with more than enough time to dodge, but Raven found her body to be much too numb to obey her. The force behind the slap, however, left Raven trying to regain her footing as Miss Martian seethed at her. Her left cheek started to sting terribly.

"He's dyslexic, you _**witch**__," _spat the girl angrily. "God, what is _wrong_ with you?! He's the only one to ever try to get you to open up, and you treat him like this!" She soon too gave Raven her back and left, albeit she did not follow Conner or Tim, she simply disappeared under the ground and possibly went to find the boy Raven had just destroyed via telepathy.

Slowly rising from the ground, she felt the sting of Megan's slap on her cheek, but didn't even attempt healing it. Despair quickly gained at her, and she turned to her own big brother figure, the best friend of the boy who had just had his worst flaws thrown in his face.

He helped her up, but once she was steady enough to look him in the eye, Cyborg gave her a very angry and very disappointed stare. He cleared his throat, lowered his head and clenched his fists, not one of them good signals.

"If he's an animal," began the large hero, "then I'm a robot, and _you're _a demon."

Raven fought her tears valiantly, but to no avail. Even keeping her stoic façade, her eyes shed bitter droplets of salty water onto her cheeks when Cyborg turned and left as well, leaving her completely alone in the Common Room. _`Funny, ´ _thought the sorceress bitterly, _Isn't this what you wanted, to be alone?´_

Against her will, the disgusting words she had just let out came back to her, leaving a foul taste in Raven's mouth. The moment they had left her she had regretted them, but at this point it was useless to feel sorry. She had hurt him, insulted him beyond anything. It wasn't the words themselves, it was the fact that they came from _her. _She wasn't stupid, she knew how he felt.

_`And still you did it. You did it, and didn't even try to go apologize _´But how could she, really, go apologize for saying such a horrid, twisted thing?

"_I don't care how he feels! I don't give a shit! I'm sick and tired of him getting into my business, of him never leaving me alone! He's loud, obnoxious, and just a pain on my side!And he ALWAYS gets away with it! Look at what he did to my book! That brat is nothing but a dirty, STUPID ANIMAL!" _

Finally, as if broken out of a spell, Raven found her footing and walked over the place where Garfie-Beast Boy had just stood moments ago. On the floor was a cake. It was small, crudely decorated and apparently home-made. On the kitchen stand rested a brand new copy of the book Beast Boy had accidentally ripped to shreds. Sometimes his instincts kicked in, he couldn't help it, specially if he was playing frisbee in his dog form. He was just seventeen. Was she not the one who had been reborn twice? Was she not the mature one, in control of her emotions?

The cake's frosting was blue, her favorite color. From the disfigured mass on the floor, she could still read the words that stood out in orange, and watch the mishapen green head smiling at her.

Sorry Raven.

He had not just bought her a new copy of the book, which was already extremely hard to get. He had cooked a cake for her to apologize, made and decorated it with his bare hands, and she had thrown it in his face. All because of a stupid book she didn't even like that much.

TBC...

AN: Aaaaand, there you go! Chapter one! Read and review my friends! PEACE


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Chapter two! It just rocks to have the opportunity to write! Hope ya enjoy it, had a hell of a time working on it! Thanks for the input and the support, now, let's see what awaits our dearest Raven! I do not own Teen Titans, or they're...

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** 2. Feels and Feelings**

"I'm not a witch..."

Raven's jaw was hurting. In fact, it was throbbing, and her cheek felt like it was on fire, but for some reason she had yet bothered to heal it. Cleaning after her own mess was a habit already, but this was the first time in a while she had broken so many things in such a short time. The TV was burned, but not trashed, so it was still salvageable. The cups around the counter had exploded with her screaming, but the china inside the shelves had survived. Two windows had exploded, and a hard drive from the mainframe had been fried.

Picking the pieces with her powers, it took no less than a couple of minutes to clean the mess entirely, except for the ruined cake on the floor. Lilac orbs traced the silly little patterns on the frosting over and over, read the words lazily over and over, and closed in hopelessness.

Ever since Trigon, Raven found out she could express emotions more freely; her self had been cleansed of her father's evil and she had been restored to her youth, all with the help of her friends. As many in the team understood, that she could express emotion did not, under any circumstance, mean she was a professional in dealing with the very thing she had fought her entire life to suppress.

For the most part, the team respected her and gave her room to grow. Beast Boy was adamant on "helping" her express herself, as was to be expected, but he continued to somehow rub himself off in the wrong way, in a way that ended most of the time in her yelling or threatening him.

Now, more than ever, even with their induction to the Young Justice League, their green changeling tried to include her in group activities, take her to whatever parks he could find and otherwise invade her personal space and time with bickering nonsense about flying chickens or pathetic knock-knock jokes. _`In a way, he succeeded.´_ Raven mused, still staring at the green head painted on the cake.

Beast Boy always managed to get her a rise out of her, whatever he did. Weather it was discussing yet again with Cyborg and Conner of the advantages of a vegetarian diet, or loudly declaring each new comic book he got, or simply talking (quite loudly) with Starfire, his emotions were always somehow connected to hers. Raven's bond with Robin was mental, but the strange thing she had with Garfield was purely on an emotional level. Most of the time, she barely even managed to scratch the surface of what he was feeling, he hid everything so well behind his constant hyper-activeness.

In rare moments that were few and far between, she managed to pick up some of the self-doubt that assaulted him, sometimes she even sensed some of the sadness he harbored, some of the depression he hid so well and the anger that had helped create the beast inside him. Beast Boy's emotional barriers were stronger than her walls, as was the pain of his heart and the effort he went through to hide those dark parts of him from the team. Barely and hour before, though, she had nuked every wall and barrier he had erected, and his emotions were for once bare for her to feel completely.

How long had she been staring at the cake? Somehow Raven didn't care, she kept a ridiculous silent vigil over the spoiled gift as if at any point Beast Boy would explode from it and tell her one of his jokes.

She kept trying to remember how he looked like when he smiled or laughed, but all her brain seemed to wish to show her was the utter despair he had expressed and given her before his glance became a glare and his aura filled with red. The dumb green face kept smiling at her from the cake, but all Raven saw was his face, tears running down his cheeks, fangs showing when he snarled at her, at them all. Her fists clenched. She felt like a witch.

"I'm not a witch…"

She was _not_ a witch. Not in the sense Megan had spat it at her. It felt horrible, to be insulted like that, but it was better than being called a demon.

"Or an animal…" whispered the young woman to herself. Witches stole children, cast spells on people just to poke fun at their pain. Witches were _evil_, twisted things who found pleasure in bringing others despair. Okay, maybe she was a bit of a witch to him sometimes. Most of the time. Like this afternoon. Like the day before, and the day before that.

_`This really isn't helping.´_ Raven sighed for what it felt like the hundredth time that day, but otherwise stayed frozen, standing even when her legs started cramping.

It had been a particularly bad day. Normally, she could meditate a few hours in peace before greeting her teammates and taking her breakfast, but last night she had stayed up reading, resulting in fewer hours of sleep. To add a bit of stress to her tired mind, she had been subjected to the very loud series of emotions that filtered through her team. It was Saturday, there was no immediate threat to the world and the team was sitting in the Common Room by the time she made her appearance.

Their emotions had been loud all day. Very loud, excruciatingly loud. Between Beast Boy's enthusiasm, Robin's smugness, Conner's brooding and Cyborg's… cyborgness they had positively given her a headache before she had even finished her tea. She had tried to read a couple of pages, but at that moment the boys had gotten bored with their video game and found a more endearing way of getting on her nerves.

Frisbee. Of course, with the amount of devices on the room, Conner's super-strength, Cyborgs booming booyahs and Robin's agility, they'd given Frisbee a new name. Naturally, the catcher was Beast Boy himself; shifting from one animal to another and bragging his technique of "catch and destroy" whatever object they deemed fit of being an improvised Frisbee. Soon enough, Megan's adoration for the kryptonian and the green shape-shifter had been added to the mix of emotions and noise, and Raven had simply risen and disappeared to the mount's top to meditate for three hours straight. Had Starfire not been gone on a mission, she would have surely lost her mind.

She had made the grave mistake of leaving her book on the table. Hence, she was left with her current predicament. Raven blinked.

The cake was still on the floor. She heard footsteps on the hallway; large, metallic footsteps.

The empath failed to move even when she felt Cyborg standing right next to her. They stood there together, watching the cake in silence for a few heartbeats, until he put a giant hand on her shoulder and nudged gently to his direction.

"Come on… let's sit down." He spoke in a soft tone, but there was steel in Cyborg's voice. With the utmost care, as if she was dealing with an injured bird, Raven enveloped the fallen cake in her black energy and placed the crumpled remains on a clean plate by the sink.

The violet-haired sorceress followed her metallic friend to the couch, where they both dropped quite unceremoniously a few centimeters away from each other. Cyborg had always been the big brother, especially to her. Too numb and smitten to sense his aura, Raven simply stared ahead, almost glaring at the burnt out television, waiting for a reprimand yet again, perhaps even an offence too for good measure.

"You called my best friend a dirty, stupid animal," said Cyborg, all emotion leaving his voice in seconds. Raven remembered she could feel somehow, and felt seriousness ooze from his aura. He glared at her. "Take it back."

Raven sighed, if only she could. If only it were that simple. "I take it back, I didn't mean it. Any of it." Her words were clipped, spoken in her usual monotone, expect this time it was not part of her mask. She felt numb to her very core. Her teammate nodded, catching the sincerity in her voice.

"You crossed the line, you know." Cyborg rubbed his large hands together, eyeing her sideways. There was no aggression towards her person anymore, at least not from him. She could even sense a bit of humor coming from him, sure, if it was him on her place she would find it funny too, in a sick, strange and pathetic way.

"Yeah, I know." She whispered, not really caring about much. It was strange, to _not _feel Beast Boy. Before leaving, he had felt so much in such little time. All his feelings had flooded through her; all those hidden traumas, all that sadness, all the anger, the _rage_, and then, nothing.

"I've never seen M'gann so worked up before. Not that I've known her all that long, but still…" `_The gall of this man_´, thought Raven, feeling slightly annoyed. At least annoyed felt better than the crushing hollowness she'd been feeling before. "Yeah," she said back, "Me neither…"

"You crossed the line," repeated the cybernetic hero."Called him the A word." Azar, where was he going with this?

"Yes. I did. I didn't mean it." But she did. Oh, she did at that moment. Raven knew it, Cyborg knew it, and now Beast Boy knew it too. He _knew_ with every living brain-cell she couldn't stand him. And it had torn him apart.

"Pretty much jumped over the line." Said Cyborg, amused.

"Yes."

"Like drove over the line with my baby. At top speed."

"I did. And I feel like the worst human being in the world."

"You should," answered her `big brother´. _How charming, _thought Raven sarcastically. _How sensible, how helpful. _"You pretty much nuked the line."

"I understand your point." Raven stressed, feeling her annoyance quickly turn to anger. Was it so easy now, to make her angry?

"You like, vaporized the line. Sent to a hellish dimension and burned it with hellfire."

"I get it. I crossed the line."

"More like flew over the line! Girl, to you, there IS no line." He was audacious to let out a chuckle, which was enough to make Raven's teeth grind together. He was acting like _him_! On Purpose!

"Okay, I _flew_ over the line." The only surviving cup in the kitchen was engulfed in black energy, but was yet to explode.

"Heh heh, pretty much made the line _extinct_. Crashed the line, girl!"

"ALL RIGHT!" Raven yelled, not too loudly but not quietly at all. Somewhere in the kitchen, the cup burst into a hundred pieces, making Raven growl. Back in the day, that same scream would have totaled both the kitchen _and _the Common Room.

To her great displeasure, she heard Cyborg chuckle good-heartedly at her outburst. Resisting the urge to blush in embarrassment and frustration, the young heroine huffed and pulled up her hood, obscuring most of her face as she sat back down, crossing both her arms and legs.

"There we go," said Cyborg merrily. How was he so upbeat, after she had pretty much done an irrevocable thing to his best friend? "Don't really know how to deal with a depressed Raven, that's either BB's or Rob's area of expertise." She finally looked up at him, catching the sunny smile he gave her. "But an angry Raven? Now that's easy!"

Just like that, it clicked in Raven's mind. She probably _looked _as miserable and empty as she felt, and Cyborg, being an old friend, had seen right through it. In his own way, he was taking her out of her fuzz and trying to cheer her up, while at the same time making her feel all the more guilty for her actions. He wasn't judging her, just trying to comfort her and coax her out of her depression, while being a good best friend. Raven gave him a light, minuscule smile.

"Thanks." She whispered, looking down at her crossed arms.

"Any time, girl," he whispered back, before straightening his back. "Now!" he boomed, making the empathy jump. "What the hell was that all about? Since when can you _not _stand BB? Since when do you not give a _shit_? Since when do you _curse_? I know you meant it when you said it, was that one of your emotion thingies taking over?"

Instead of answering any of his questions, Raven sighed for the umpteenth time and countered with one of her own. "Did I really look _that_ depressed?" Cyborg raised his one existing eyebrow at her.

"Girl," he started "you looked at the floor for like an hour. Thought I'd have to poke ya to get a reaction!" She snorted out something between a sob and a laugh. Wouldn't Beast Boy give his comic books to see that?

"I can't feel him." She said suddenly, eyes fixated on the ground. "I… he's usually the loudest, with his emotions I mean. Before he left… I felt like I ripped out a band-aide and this gushing wound came crashing through, and then…nothing."

"You're used to it, ain't ya?" Cyborg said, eyeing her sideways. "Feeling him happy. Upbeat. Seeing BB sad or bothered feels…unnatural, y' know?" And it's your fault. That part went unsaid, but Raven could read between the lines. At least, she thought she did.

"Yeah, it doesn't feel right. I can't even feel anything from him. It's like he's shutting me out." Cyborg relaxed back on the couch, and remembered all the times he'd caught Gar with his mask off, that smile of his was better than the Bat's own mask. Beast Boy didn't hide who he was, only how he felt, and his best friend knew a little of what was behind that happy face and hyper attitude.

"What d 'you expect, Raven? He's really sensitive about people calling him stupid, and… and the A word. But both you and I know that's not what pissed him off like that." Yes, that much was obvious to her. What had destroyed him had been her first words, those ugly, disgusting lies.

"You really don't care about how he feels? Don't you know how much he l-"

"Victor." Raven cut in, her voice hard as stone; before he could say what she knew he was going to say. "Please." She added, whispering, almost pleading with him.

"Do you?" Insisted the metallic man. "Do you care about what he feels?" Something inside Raven threatened to snap again, but she took a very deep breath, biting her lip and almost drawing blood. She was _not _going to cry twice in one day.

"Of course I care about what he feels." She answered, frustration and defeat gnawing at her. "I care about _everything_ he feels. I haven't felt this empty since… since Trigon and… and _know _his intentions are good but he always ends up, I don't know, crashing into me or touching me or telling me a stupid joke and I can _feel _when he gets sad every time I tell him no or yell or threaten him. But, but… Now I can't even feel him, not a thing and it's… crazy. I don't even know what it'd be like, if he never talked to me ever again. I keep pushing him away because he makes me _feel _these things, everything, every little thing, and it's so confusing sometimes. I _know _I don't have to suppress my emotions anymore, but it's a habit, and it's hard to… to…"

Raven's knuckled were bone-white, her hands were clutching the cape of her suit so hard she felt her nails digging into the soft skin of her palm. She took a deep breath, two, three, and realized she was rambling like a stupid schoolgirl. Cyborg kept looking at her with that gaze that was both fond and hard at the same time.

"It's so hard to accept him, because I feel all I've ever been good at is hurting him. I don't deserve it, any of it. Not one bit of his attention, not one of those feelings." Raven felt something ache deep in her chest. That was the disadvantage of her new freedom, the fear it brought her. Now that she could live and feel more freely, those feeling could get hurt all the more easily.

"He shouldn't keep trying, I'm not worth it. Someone like me doesn't deserve someone like him." It was Cyborg's turn to sigh; he exhaled slowly, looking at her with his fond harshness. _I still love you, _said his eyes, _But you really messed up. _

"Why'd you say all them nasty things about him, then?" Raven racked her brain for a proper answer, finding nothing that truly justified her words. She sighed, _again. _

"I've had a really bad day." She said at last, and let her shoulders slump. She could apologize in ten different languages, dressed as Beast Boy's favorite characters, and still felt it wouldn't be enough.

"Yeah," said Cyborg sadly, staring at her. "I guess we all have our bad days." They fell into a strange, somehow comfortable silence then, each mulling over the other's words. To Raven, the blessed silence felt like hours, but it was mostly minutes. Before long she felt her brother figure rearranging his position on the couch and heard him clear his throat.

"Look," he started. "If the grass stain feels you deserve his attention, then you do. It's not really your decision to make, and if you _don't_ want to spend any time with him, just tell him, but be nice about it." He clasped her shoulder, giving her a reassuring smile.

"You deserve to be happy, to feel whatever it is he makes you feel. Ask Conner, or Diane or M'gann or even the _Bat, _any of them! If it weren't for _that_, then this hero life would be borin' as hell! And too depressing, too!" Raven stared at him, and felt somewhat stupid. She was feeling quite a deal of things, as of late, more than one of them regarding the green changeling. Even Cyborg knew it, hell, the whole team but her and Garfield knew it.

_`Beast Boy, ´_ she thought to herself. _`You don't even have the right to think of him like that, you lost that right when you called him an animal.´_

"Do you think I can fix it?" The sorceress blurted out before the words were properly mulled over in her brain. She even failed to notice the tone of hopelessness in her voice. Cyborg gave her another smile, a smaller one, sadder.

"Maybe, maybe not. It's up to you, really, Rae. He's a forgiving guy, but nobody can take rejection forever. Y'all 've been dancin' over the matter too long, and I think the pressure just built up and exploded today. You need to see him." Dread filled Raven's stomach at the very _thought_ of seeing Beast Boy again, she feared seeing that hurt, that level of dejection and self-hatred, or worse, _feeling _it from him. Hers were already threatening to drown her. Who knew emotions could be so strong?

"What can I do?" The young empathy asked, already knowing but trying to dance around the answer. "Should I wait for him to approach me, give him some time to cool off..?" Cyborg frowned a bit, deep in thought.

"No," he said after a moment. "The more you wait, the more he's gonna simmer in what you said, and he's gonna believe it. You give him today to cool off, maybe all day tomorrow, but it can't go beyond that." He fixed her with a hard stare, not frowning but not smiling either. His aura felt almost… melancholic. "You never know what might happen tomorrow, or the day after that." He shifted his stare to the ground, this time almost glaring at it.

"You might not get another chance to take back those ugly words, with us being always in danger and all…" A small beep erupted from Cyborg' arm, distracting him from his sadness, but the strange feeling lingered between his and Raven's aura.

"Well, time to go kick some criminal butt! You stay put, Rae, nothing mayor, I'll take care of it in a beep! Booyah!" In an instant, Cyborg was up and walking towards one of the teleporting devices. As he dialed the coördinates into the machine, Raven realized the Base's alarm hadn't even gone off, so it was probably nothing that required the attention of more than one of them.

Slowly it came to her, what that sensation was. Cyborg had lost his parents, like most of them, but he had said some nasty things to his father, and never had the chance to take them back, to tell his father he loved him and was thankful, ever so thankful to be alive and be able to help others. Raven's eyes widened a bit, characterizing the feeling deep in her thoughts. It was empathy, true and sincere.

"Raven." Cyborg called out, shfting his frowning eye directly into her lilac ones. "Don't ever hurt my friend like that again." She frowned as well but for an entirely different reason, and gave him a stiff nod. It wasn't a threat, it was a warning, and she accepted it. His demeanor changed completely once again, before leaving he gave her one lasting smile. "_So _uncool, girl. And do something 'bout that bruise! If it gets any bigger it'll grow its own head!"

The purple-haired heroine rolled her eyes as Victor disappeared through the light, leaving her once again alone with all the voices and sensations inside her head and chest. Raven gave a tired sigh and stood resolutely from her seat. She wasn't really hungry, in fact, her stomach felt like a battleground in the middle of a war, but _he_ had made that cake for _her_. Beast Boy had baked it, probably made the frosting from scratch, using all environmentally friendly products and most likely going against his own principles and using real eggs and maybe whole milk.

_`He baked a cake, made the frosting, decorated the cake, got me a copy of my book and came back in less than 3 hours.'_ Raven mused lightly, cutting a slice through one of the remaining `salvageable´ parts of the sweet treat.

She grabbed a spoon from the dishwasher and sat on the counter, cake in her hand. He really was something else. Perhaps that was why she felt she didn't deserve his attention or care, perhaps that was why she felt like she _needed _to make things right, however necessary. Perhaps that what why she _felt_, period.

"Hmm…" Raven mused, chewing slowly, savoring every bite. "It's good," she said to no one in particular.

"It's really good…"

TBC….

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AN: There you go, a little longer, but I just felt I needed to cover this before continuing.

**Coming soon in Chap. 3**: Beast Boy shares some bro time! Tim remembers some good and bad things, Conner broods! Beast Boy faces his sister, and Miss Martian clashes with Raven! What the hell was that slap all about, anyway?! Stay tuned! RXR!

PEACE


	3. Chapter 3

An: Allrighty then, chapter three fresh from the oven! Enjoy! I don NOT own Teen Titans, that's property of DC Comics. Now, chapter three!

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**3. Animals and Auras**

"I'm not an animal..."

Sometimes, telling himself the same thing over and over was enough to make Garfield believe it. It worked for the most part, if he told himself over and over that Raven didn't mean most of the things she said, that she actually seemed to enjoy his company, he could believe it for a few minutes and survive another day.

Animal. The simple word brought up memories so bitter that Beast Boy felt like spitting on the ground to rid himself of the foul taste of his own blood in his mouth. Animal. Freak. Stupid Beast. Do as you're told. Just shut up, I hate your stupid voice. Are you that much of an idiot? Shut up! Animal. Freak. You're a beast, a mindless beast. You were even before you turned green. Let your parents die. Selfish animal, like a hungry dog. Are you hungry, you stupid animal? Go on, _beg_. Beg and maybe you'll get something today. Can't you read? Are you stupid? It's hippopotamus! It's not that hard, come on! _Steven, please – _No! Come on, write it down, and I don't want to see any mistakes! You're an animal. Freak. Freak. Green freak. _Most-_

"Hey." A voice came from his left, breaking Beast Boy out of his reverie. Startled, he discovered he was just millimeters away from piercing his own lip with his protruding fang, _again_. He tried to smile, tried to summon his mask from somewhere, _anywhere_, but he came out short. There was just no joy left in Garfield, not for that day.

"Hey, dude," he answered, not really looking at Conner as the older man sat next to him and wordlessly observed the ocean. Even after moving from the T Tower, the stony shore was still Garfield's favorite place to come and think and try to rebuild his walls whenever they started to crumble. He had come here after Terra, after the Beast, after Trigon and the Brotherhood. The new titans were accustomed to seeing him down there, just staring at the waves as they clashed against the stones.

Conner sat there next to him, not really saying anything, just stared out into the blue waves with him. Beast Boy was thankful for the silence, for the understanding. Superboy knew what it was like, being called a freak, something evil, something not natural. More than anything, though, Conner knew what it was like to seek acceptance form one person, one single person, and get nothing but poison from them.

Beast Boy hated feeling sad, and he hated the silence most of the time. Sadness reminded him of his parents, before and after their death. Sadness reminded Garfield of those looks of sympathy from the tribe, of pure pity, those sad gazes they had given him in Africa. _Poor little freak_, their eyes seemed to say.

Silence reminded him of the cage; where he was to stay absolutely quiet. It reminded him of _that _man as well, that bastard who had stolen all of his family's money. It reminded him of the collar, of the electroshocks, of having to steal to survive. It reminded him of the Doom Patrol after Mento was done chewing him out. But lately, silence reminded him of Raven, and until very recently that had been a most welcoming change in his thoughts.

Conner didn't shift, he barely moved from his spot beside Beast Boy. Words had never been his specialty, but he felt no words were necessary at the moment. When Beast Boy felt like talking, he would let him know. For now, it was better to just it down and watch the waves, and remember.

"I'm not an animal…" repeated the younger Titan, feeling the sting of Raven's words clutch at his heart. It almost felt like someone had a tight grip on his chest and _squeezed_ every time he thought back to her. Had he known the book was hers, he would have never even laid a drop of drool on it. Maybe he _did _know, though. Maybe he was getting tired of the silent treatment, maybe some part of him had _wanted _to tear it to shreds. He wanted her attention, whether it was good or bad, but he had crossed the line with her book, and she had crushed him.

That was why it hurt so much. Terra was one thing, but _Raven_?

"No," answered Superboy after a while, staring into the ocean. "You're not." It was the same as calling Conner a clone, or a _thing, _like the Man of Steel himself had referred to him from the beginning, and inferring it was _all _he was. Sure, Conner respected Kal-El, idolized Clark Kent. But Superman? He despised that man with every living fiber of his being. Perhaps that was the reason behind his fondness of the green changeling. Just as he had worshiped Superman, Beast Boy worshiped _him_. And it was clear, because there was no difference between Garfield and Beast Boy. There was no mask there to hide who he was, no S on his chest to give him authority or give him an excuse to be an ass.

No. Beast Boy was not an animal. He was a person, and a very good one at that, but a person with a very profound pain eating away at him. Self-doubt, low self-esteem, depression, anger. All of them were emotions Conner was very familiar with, and in a strange way, Beast Boy's interactions with Raven gave him a weird sense of déjà vu, reminded him of how he used to be, at the very beginning. Angry, volatile, immature and impulsive. He still was those things, just as Raven still was reserved, quite, a bit antisocial and awkward around people.

"Does it ever get better?" Garfield asked, still staring at the visage in front of him. The waves offered no answer. In the short time he had known him, Conner didn't remember seeing the boy so sad or defeated. It seemed as if someone had told him his grandmother died. "The pain, I mean."

Conner sighed, looking over his shoulder. Robin was standing at the foot of the Tower, still not ready to approach them. "Beats me." He answered gruffly. "You tell _me_, you've been alive longer than I have."

Beast Boy gave him a mirthless chuckle, retracting to himself even more. "I guess it does," he rasped miserably, trying to keep the tears inside. "Do you really think she doesn't give a shit?" The question came with a tone of pure despair; Beast Boy flinched and shut his eyes tightly, dreading the answer.

"I don't know, don't think so," said Conner. Boy, words were _really_ not his forte. "She was pretty upset about that book, you know..." he offered, noticing the change in his young friend immediately, just as he expected. Garfield was still seething under his sadness, angry beyond anything, and if Superboy read his file right, just bottling up all that anger was going to make him unstable in the team, and bottling up was Garfield's specialty. The boy needed to let off some steam.

"Are you kidding me, dude?!" answered the green Titan, his eyes open and glaring towards the kryptonian. "I never wanted to break her book, I even ran all the way to the city to get her a new one!" Without knowing, Beast Boy was on his feet, his fists clenched as Raven's words echoed in his brain again and again. Suddenly there was hot fire in his chest, in his stomach, and it fueled every muscle in his young body. Deep down, the beast roared in anger, but to Beast Boy it felt like strangled wail of despair.

"You knew the book was hers, you can smell her scent, can't you?" Conner countered, he watched amusedly the many emotions Beast Boy went trough in a few seconds. Anger, denial, sadness, shock, mistrust, disbelief and finally anger again.

"Dude! You threw the damn book!" accused the younger teen, his glare turned extremely aggressive, as if the mere notion of him having any responsibility in the matter was ludicrous. So far, Conner's plan was going great. "You trashed it, though," offered the hero, nodding at him.

"We were playing catch and destroy! Come on, sometimes I can't control it, are you telling me you never trashed a wall, or broke a gate by accident?!" He was both denying and bargaining, somehow that fact made Conner want to whistle in amazement.

"Sure I have, but this was different. You _wanted _to tear that book apart, because she kept paying more attention to it than to you. She's been doing that for a while. You got jealous of a book, I just happened to throw it." And that was it.

From his spot near the door of the T tower, Robin saw all the signs. Beast Boy bared his fangs, fisted his hands, his stance turned terribly aggressive and his entire frame clenched. His muscles bulged from his suit, making the masked hero wonder if for a wild moment Beast Boy's grip on the beast was wilting. But when the green shape-shifter simply exploded, Tim looked down at the ground. A certain kind of shame washed over him as he heard the screams of his friend.

"And she called me an _ANIMAL_! She said she didn't give a shit! Are you kidding me, dude?! Are you telling me that I mean less to her than a _fucking _book?! It's not like I didn't run all the way to the _damn _city and looked through every _damn _bookstore for the _damn_ thing! I even made her a cake! With eggs! And Milk, god-damn it! What's with the books, anyway?!" He was winding down, Conner noticed, running out of fuel very fast. Just like comedy had never truly befit Conner, anger did not befit Beast Boy. He sat in a strange state of tranquility even when Beast Boy glowered over him, even when his frustrated screams drew the attention of the younger Titans in the Tower.

"What do I have to do, huh?! Do I have to tear down Terra's memorial, or bring her father in chains and with a clown suit on?! Throw myself off a cliff?! How come its soooo easy for Cyborg or Rob to make her smile, but all I get is a splash into the sea?! What does it take?!" Unbeknown to him, bitter tears had started to leak from his eyes. Beast Boy's vision blurred, but all he could see was Raven's glare anyway. He hadn't seen her so upset in a long time.

"What does it take?" He asked again, feeling his shoulders slump and his arms fall uselessly to his sides. "How many times does she have to get upset for me to get it?" Feeling utterly defeated, Beast Boy sniffed and turned his eyes towards the ocean. Blue. Both the ocean and the skies, though the latter were starting to turn orange. Blue. That was her favorite color.

"She hates me."

Conner sighed, taking the sight of the sad young man who was Garfield Logan. His eyes looked weary, old; as if his bubble had just exploded and he was suddenly exposed to all the evils of the world. The young hero wondered if the words would have been as hurtful had he been the one speaking them, or Robin, or even Superman himself. He somehow doubted it.

"Why do have to try so hard?" Asked Conner at last; he watched, baffled, as Beast Boy scrubbed his face clean of tears and shifted uncomfortably in embarrassment. "Why does it matter so much to you that she smiles, that she spends time with _you_? I don't think you'd really care if _I _said I didn't give a shit; don't think it'd get you this worked up. You don't keep trying to make M'gann smile so much, either."

Garfield chuckled drily. Yeah, the cat was out of the box, the green cat to be more specific. Was it so obvious, was _he _so obvious? "M'gann isn't Raven." He answered with bitterness; even speaking her name made him hurt.

"Have you ever seen Raven smile ever since you know her?" asked Beast Boy, he watched the sea with a sense of strange detachment, barely bothering to feel ashamed for making a temper tantrum in front of the younger recruits, and to _Superboy_ of all people.

Conner was pensive for a moment. "Not much, maybe once or twice." _`But then again,'_ thought Conner absently _`I don't smile so much either.´_

"There you go," said Beast Boy, looking at his feet. "It's easy being the funny guy, it's always easier to smile than to cry, you know. To be the walking joke… it's easy to be around people if they're laughing, even if they're laughing at me." The green changeling exhaled, feeling a rare bitterness in the pit of his stomach.

"Raven barely tries, though…" he kicked a pebble to the ocean absently, pocketing his hands in his suit. "All she used to do was read and stay in her room and meditate and _now _she helps Cyborg and talks to Robin, she even goes shopping with Star from time to time, but if it's me she sees, it's always a frown."

Beast Boy kicked the next rock with a bit more force than necessary, sending it flying though the air to crash into the waves. "Why can't she ever take some time to so something with _me_? Why can't she smile at me in the morning from time to time? Am I really so obnoxious to her? Does she really hate me that much?! Am I such a dirty animal in her eyes than she can't stand me?! All these years, and all she's done is pretend to put up with me?!" He kicked the next pebble with fury but his momentum was such that his left foot slipped, making him fall on his butt, hands still in his pockets.

Conner gave a few barks of laughter at that, even more so when Beast Boy glared comically at him with his lower jaw sticking out and his eyes flat and dry of humor. The kryptonian sobered up soon enough when Beast Boy's eyes and ears dropped again, and the young boy's demeanor changed from enraged to depressed.

"You're not an animal, Beast Boy." Conner sighed, looking out into the ocean. "Why do you care so much, anyway?" asked the young man of steel again. "Why does it matter so much to you if she hates you or not, or if she pays more attention to a book? What's wrong with Cyborg or Robin making her smile if she's _smiling _at all?"

Beast Boy clenched his teeth. Wasn't it obvious already? Did he have to spill his guts as well, raw for everyone to see? "It matters because _I _want to make her smile." he answered tersely, as if admitting the words to himself was harder than stating them at all.

"Why?!" insisted Superboy, glaring at him. "Why does it have to be you?"

"Because I like her, okay!?" Back on his feet, fists clenched, Beast Boy looked just about ready to strike Conner in the jaw. Robin finally moved from his spot on the tower, that was his cue. "Is that what you wanted to hear?! I do, I like Raven! More than a friend! More than I ever liked Terra, more than anything! That's why I'm jealous of a _book_, all right?!" Snarling, teeth clenching, it hit Garfield like one of Conner's punches.

He had just admitted he liked Raven. More than a friend. More than anything. He groaned, loudly. "Aw crap…"

Defeated, he slumped back to his spot, feeling more tired than he remembered being. The memories, the cage, the collar, they faded away under the epiphany that slammed into his psyche. Boy, did he have a nasty taste for chicks. If they didn't think he was green and gross, they betrayed him, tried to kill and bury him and his team, only to leave for a life of blessed nothingness, not even bothering with a good-bye.

Now he liked the girl who hated him, the girl who had called him a dirty, stupid animal.

"I like a girl who hates my green guts. Ughh…" Pinching his eyes in frustration, Garfield allowed the shame to filter through his anger. "And now the whole Tower knows it, you know it, _he _knows it," said Beast Boy, motioning at the approaching masked figure. "And _she's _probably known all along. I guess she really doesn't care." Great, just great.

"This is why she can't stand me, I guess she's right…" muttered Garfield dejectedly, pulling his knees up to his chest. "I'm loud, obnoxious, can't keep anything to myself. Guess that's why she likes books better than me… books don't get on her nerves; don't take her out of her comfort zone…"

Silence reigned over them for a while. With his hearing, Conner listened to Robin's footsteps as the younger hero neared them, taking his sweet time. He understood, somewhat. Until quite recently, the respect Beast Boy gave him had been directed at their leader; the almighty Robin; but then Robin had treated Garfield like a beast and a criminal, making the trust and adoration the younger Titan felt for his leader shatter to a million pieces, never to be repaired again. Sure, they were still friends, they fought alongside one another, protected each other, but the hollowness in their stressed friendship remained.

Even without being psychic, Conner knew some nasty things had transpired between Tim and Garfield, but since the young kryptonian didn't know the team so well, he didn't stick his nose where it wasn't welcome.

"I used to get so pissed off when M'gann was dating Lagon." Conner admitted quietly, earning a lightly surprised gaze from the changeling. "Even started hating fish, heh," the hero smirked at the memory. "I wanted to squeeze the guy's neck and see if his head would pop like a balloon, _every time _I caught him making out with her."

Beast Boy snickered good-heartedly at the last comment. "Sometimes I wanted to stick my fist to a wall just so she'd look at me. I even started missing her touch in my mind; missed it to a point where I purposely put myself in situations where she _had _to speak telepathically to me."

Earning another chuckle, Conner let a small smile draw itself to his lips. It was all bittersweet when he thought about it. "I hated the silly little names they called each other, hated to see them together, and even hated the smell of fish or the sea for that matter." Oh, he had been a crappy boyfriend all right, but Beast Boy didn't need to know that. "I wanted to punch the walls every time I saw them, did it a couple of times, just so she'd talk to me in my mind."

The very reason he had first broken up with M'gann was because of her uncaring use of her mental powers, but that was one of the things he had missed the most about her. Even now, talking to her adoptive brother, he could feel her, her touch light as a feather on his face.

_`Is he all right? ´_ She asked him, worry bleeding over their connection. _`Should I go to him now? ´ _Conner chuckled in his head. They really were quite alike, her and Beast Boy. Both ready to lay their own peace of mind on the line for those they cared about, hell, even for complete strangers. _`It's okay, M'gann´ _answered Conner, sending as much confidence as possible to his statement. _`We got him.´_ On the other side of the link, he almost felt her give a sigh of relief.

"I'm shutting her out." Admitted Beast Boy after a long silence. Conner stared at him, knowing the boy had little else to get off his chest. There was nothing Conner or Tim could do to take back Raven's words, or take away the memories and hurt said words brought to their youngest teammate. But a friendly ear and a strong hand on a shoulder, that much they could do. "What do you mean?" asked Superboy, perplexed.

"The same you did with M'gann at first, but it's kinda…" Beast Boy scratched his head, trying to put into words the strange connection between his and Raven's emotions was difficult, even more so when he had severed it completely only moments before. "Kinda… spiritual, I guess. I can _feel _her… her, what do you call that thingy over you that tells your emotions?"

"Aura?" provided Robin, finally reaching the pair. "That thing! Dude!" the green shape-shifter gave a ghost of one of his laughs before settling back to depression and anger, and feeling self-conscious shut his mouth as well for good measure.

The Boy Wonder sat to Beast Boy's left, positively sandwiching their green friend between himself and Conner. Beast Boy gave him a sulking frown, addressed his eyes towards the ocean and remained stoically quiet, as if it had been Tim himself who had insulted him. Robin sighed, he expected no less; after all he _had _been eavesdropping on them, but both Garfield and Conner had been aware of his presence the whole time, so it wasn't really eavesdropping. He doubted Beast Boy had a problem with his presence at the moment, either.

Watching his younger teammate, Robin realized whatever friendship he and Beast Boy had shared before the incident with the Beast had been destroyed forever. The fact that he had a closer relationship with Raven didn't help matters at all, either. Right now, the younger Titan probably saw him as a confidant to Raven, a representative of her interests and a protector of her integrity. Under normal circumstances, Beast Boy would have been right, but these were _not _normal circumstances.

At best, Beast Boy and Robin shared a strange camaraderie, neither completely trusting the other, but in Beast Boy's case, he still harbored ill feelings of betrayal, hurt, disappointment and more than a bit of jealousy towards their leader.

The three heroes stayed silent, watching the ocean turn brighter and then darker as the sun went down. After what it felt like hours, and getting annoyed at Beast Boy's obvious discomfort, Tim took a breath.

"You can feel her aura? Wow, I've never been able to do that." He watched as Beast Boy rolled his eyes, snorting in derision.

"Yeah right, dude," muttered Beast Boy, hugging his legs tighter. "Don't you that bond thingy with her?" Robin chuckled at the boy's reaction. In some part of his soul though, he felt a profound sadness root itself at the fact that Beast Boy preferred to spill his guts to Superboy, a hero they had only recently met, than to him, his leader and teammate.

"It's purely on a mental level." admitted Robin, swallowing down the strange heaviness. "I've never been able to _feel _her aura when she's feeling mine." A strange memory came to him, of their first months as Teen Titans. "Actually, she kinda made me think I was in love with her, by subconsciously believing she had a crush on _me_, her aura sort of… coaxed mine into believing that. I never felt it _doing _it, though."

To Garfield's right, Conner palmed the right side of his face while giving Robin the universal _`You're __**not**__ helpiiiing´_ look. Beast Boy's glance was just about the same. "Dude," growled the green Titan. "I _so_ didn't need to hear that."

Robin chuckled, enjoying the fact that the tension was slowly dwindling from the air. "Sorry," he offered apologetically. "The point I was making it's that it's noteworthy, the fact that you can feel her aura, I mean. I don't think many people can." Beast Boy gave him an ugly grin then, something forced, bitter, angry, nasty, ashamed and overall the truest smile he'd seen on the changeling's face in a while.

"It's an animal thing." Garfield answered, turning to look at the ocean. Yes, he could feel her aura, boohoo. It was because of his animal senses, after all. In a pathetically poetic way, it made sense to Garfield. _`Doesn't really matter…´_though the green-skinned hero. _`She hates me. Can't stand me. She called me stupid. Called me an animal. I know what I am; don't need to be reminded of it every day. Why did it hurt so damn much when she said it? Do I like her that much? How come she can't stand me? I thought we were getting closer, making progress, but I guess I'll never be as good as dear old Robin or pretty like Aqualad! Damn it, damn her and damn me too. Stupid Garfield, always go for the impossible. Arg... I guess they're right, all of them. I AM stupid. Stupid little Beast Boy, thinking he's more important than a book. Stupid little Beast Boy, thinking Raven of all people might someday get to like you. Stupid little Beast Boy, falling in lo -´_

"Hey,"

Beast Boy blinked. He hadn't realized the sun had almost gone down. It took him a moment to digest his surroundings. He felt the stone beneath him, strong, resistant, eternal, saw the ocean; relentless, unforgiving and powerful, and felt the hand of his friend on his shoulder. Robin offered him a knowing smile, squeezing his shoulder for good measure. He felt it too, his support, his friendship. It was still there, after all. They were still family.

Garfield turned to his right, and saw his newest idol staring calmly into the sea, still there sitting next to him. How long had he stayed quiet? Had they seriously spent all this time just sitting and talking? Had Robin of all people spent the entire afternoon addressing _his _personal issues of all things?

"What about crime, dude?" He asked, staring straight into Robin's mask.

The young Boy Wonder chuckled, surprised at how a few words managed to immerse him in his own memories. If Tim tried hard enough he could still see it, that night, the dim lights of his room in Wayne Manor. He'd taken a nasty beating, broken four of his ribs and cracked two more for good measure. After taking a bad fall which had been his fault for not using his reflexes right, he'd dropped straight to a metal dumpster and dislocated his shoulder, leaving Robin at the mercy of Dent's men. Before he had blacked out, he'd seen the dark shape of the Bat as he flew over his assailants.

When he'd woken up; God knew how many days afterwards, the last thing Robin had expected to see was an unmasked Batman sitting next to his bed, going over police reports while he monitored his vitals, gave him water to drink and offered spoonfuls of hot soup. It had all been terribly confusing to Tim at the time, knowing Bruce could have simply had Alfred or Barbara look after him.

"_What about crime?" _ He had wheezed, trying to ignore the crashing pain of his midsection. Bruce had offered a sort of strange growl at that, looking at him straight in the eye as he put a large hand on Tim's shoulder.

"_Crime can wait." _Bruce had said; his undertone made of steel. _"Family comes first." _

Tim squeezed Garfield's shoulder, knowing that wherever he was, Batman wouldn't care one bit about the Teen Titans taking a day off to ease the tension between two members of their strange team.

"Crime can wait," said Robin, materializing a six-pack of something seemingly out of thin air. He offered a can to Garfield, threw one to Conner and opened one for himself.

"Family comes first."

Beast Boy gave him a true smile then, a sincere one, and looked down on his can.

"Dude! _Root _Beer?! _So_ not cool, Rob."

* * *

TBC…..

AN: There we go, chapter three all done! I wanted to make this one bigger, but decided at the last moment I'm gonna split them in two hehe.

**Coming up in chapter four**: The mighty clash! M'gann speaks to Beast Boy, M'gann speaks to Conner, M'gann faces Raven! OMG! The dreaded hour approaches, the encounter draws near! Stay tuned, and don't forget to review on your way out!


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